So, what’s next?
That’s all I seem to hear these days, and any senior knows what I’m talking about. What’s the next step? Are you going to get your masters? What are you going to do with your degree? If you don’t know what I’m talking about, let me fill you in on what post grad is. Post-Grad is the transitional time between college and what feels like the beginning of the rest of your adult life. Usually post-grad anxiety starts the last year of college, which is usually excelled by the seemingly innocent yet terrifying questions that family and friends ask you about your upcoming transition. Many college kids unknowingly crutch the stability of school until one day you're suddenly a big bad adult in the big bad world with your degree. It's crazy to think that just two months ago we still felt like we had some time to figure it all out. This looks extremely different for all students stemming from all different schools and paths. For some this may mean not living on campus for the first time ever or not being surrounded by your most important resources. For others it's the first time moving away from their college best friends that they have spent all their special moments and time with. I’m sure for many, this is the first time a consistent schedule to attend Monday through Friday doesn’t exist anymore. And at one point for all this is the first time we don’t have constant productiveness and consistency from school to fill our work drive, often feeling a loss and overwhelmed.
What’s funny is, eight months ago I had this all figured out. I was the woman with the plan and I wasn’t going to get stuck in the post-grad blues. I finally figured out what I wanted my career to head into. I found an awesome internship for my senior year with the city, that offered me a job position once I graduated, all the while having a great second job as a bar manager. Not only was my career rock solid, I also felt like this was the perfect time to finally accomplish one of my biggest dreams, I was going to Europe for my grad trip. I’m not talking about just some regular trip. I finally was able to convince Brandon and Birdi too go to Europe with me for eight weeks, and I’m talking about backpacking between ten countries, the Mecca of all trips. Around the same time period along with planning Europe, we started to look at what opportunities awaited us for when we were coming back home. I had lived primarily in a small town for most of my life and so did the boys, and we were just itching for some change. It was finally time to set forth our ultimate dream, so we decided that June of 2021 we were finally going to make the big move to New York City. I could not have been happier.
Throughout my life I had always looked at the big picture of things, the ultimate goal one would say, and planned accordantly. I had done pretty well my whole life finding my path, creating it, and sticking to it. Looking at my new life objectively all the plans finally fit together in perfect unison and created such an exciting picture. It seemed as though, that all our hard work was completely coming into view, and our dreams were seamlessly coming together.
March 14, 2020 was the first time the routine and mundane questions sounded a bit different. My grandma was hosting her yearly crab feed and all my relatives attended. The questions came as usual however they had a new element and tone. Has coronavirus affected your schooling or work? Did you hear they have coronavirus in Europe right now? What even is coronavirus? At the time I was so wrapped up in my two jobs and school, I barely had time to sleep let alone watch the news. I had heard people talking about it at the bar where I worked and I read bits and pieces about the virus on social media but that was the extent of my knowledge at the time. This was the first time I had ever actively discussed the topic of corona amongst my personal group, and was honestly at a loss of words of what this truly meant for me. I left the party uneasy and with a nervous sense of what was next to come but was quickly reassured by my fiancé that everything was going to work out just fine. Its funny when you look back at moments and realize all the things I wish I knew back then.
Sure enough, Monday morning when I went back into work the entire tone and setting shifted completely. The city was now in full Corona mode, which meant no large gatherings and everything was social distancing. I worked in the park and rec department which unfortunately centered around people gathering. By Wednesday all classes, concerts, and sports were cancelled, and since being a part time worker I was sent home till further notice. By Thursday the restaurant I worked for reached out and told me that they could not re-open until further instruction by the government and that they would also reach out to me in the future. From the first time I truly discussed what coronavirus meant to me to flash-forward four days later I was now fully unemployed and locked down in my home. The first three weeks of Corona felt like the entire country stood still in their homes and held their breaths. What comes next? What does this mean for my family? How bad is this going to get? This was the first time anybody all over the world had ever experienced anything like this, and most homes were filled with nothing but uncertainty and anxiety.
Quickly the virus completely changed what this meant for upcoming graduates. Universities and schools across the country closed in person classes and shut down all dormitories. This gave student 72 hours to figure out where they were going, what they were going to do, and how they were going to get there. Most students needed to figure all this out with limited funds, support, and time. Universities, staff, and students all scratched their heads wondering whether this was truly just going to be an extended spring break, or it just wasn’t and what did that mean. Time is a tricky thing because once it is gone it simply will never come back. After about a month universities, staff, and students knew that this was not going to subside anytime soon and they needed to find a backup option. Hastily, everyone had to go through the growing pains of switching to online learning and finding out what this meant for students, especially seniors. Seniors who had done all of their in person classes and internships for years, either had all of these opportunities cancelled or switched to a foreign communication in the snap of a finger.
A month passed and students eagerly awaited the decision that was going to make or break their entire college experience. I remember waking up an early April morning, looking at my phone and reading the news. Officially my California State college “postponed” our 2020 graduation ceremony to a later date and my heart broke into pieces. Within a two week time span every plan, daydream, and goal spiraled into absolutely nothing. Europe officially announced a travel ban against the United States, making it literally impossible to attend any of our planned itinerary, And finally, to put the cherry on top of my perfect disaster of a life, I was graduating in a month with a degree in Recreational Management. Recreational. Management. Any job, opportunity, or major that dealt with recreation, leisure, or any social enjoyment was literally obliterated into pieces. You can only imagine how an unemployed, useless majored, soon to be college graduate, with no clue of what she was doing felt, while the world was falling into pieces, pretty hopeless.
When I originally thought of this blog post, I was torn for days contemplating whether or not to write it. In my previous blog, I promoted New Beginnings, inspiration, and connection, and wondered how this piece would tie into the grand scheme of things. But I also began to realize that people didn’t want to just read my thoughts or hear my words of how to live some picture perfect life they want my truth. Life is scary, messy, and unpredictable but one goal I could take away from all of these learning lessons, was that I simply wanted to be there for other people going through the same things and try to connect. I see the other twenty-something year olds, and I hear you, I am here for you, and I truly am sorry. That I, as someone randomly in the world understands some of the struggles you’re going through and can in some way relate. Whenever someone told me to just be grateful when I told them about my graduation cancellation, I felt unimportant or that the things that mattered to me no longer were important. Often times when fighting my depression and anxiety through this hard time, I would often tell myself not to complain or be upset about my situation because someone somewhere was going through it way worse. However, this only gave me such an overwhelmingly load of grief and hopelessness. I will be here to tell you first and foremost that its okay to feel how you feel, to live through these feelings and just because someone may have it harder than you, doesn’t mean it undermines the things you are going through. If I could just be the voice of one twenty-something year old who is going through the same things as me and provide you with any sense of comfort or relief, then my job through this blog post was accomplished. I wish I could tell you that since the beginning of these unfortunate events I have passed through this year worry free, but I don’t think you need to hear another random person telling you how perfect their life is, despite the things that you are going through. This year has taught me that it is okay to take the time to stop and process your feelings, whether that is to have a good cry, calling a close friend, or disconnecting from social media. You are merely a human being doing your best in this insane world, and I know its not easy to take on the worlds problems but remember it’s okay to focus on you too.
In every lesson we live through, it teaches us something important about life. After having to severely go through my mental health, I began to find small steps that helped me through my days of quarantine, and maybe these steps can help you in whatever journey you’re going through as well. First, what really helped is I began trying to find some sense of normalcy and consistency throughout my day. I started waking up around the same time, planned my meals throughout my day, and made myself get ready every morning. Simply putting my hair into a ponytail and changing out of sweats really helped me feel like a human again and made me more productive. Second, I took multiple social media breaks throughout my day where I simply would put my phone away in another room for hours at a time. It was very easy for me to just lay in bed all day and get sucked into everything that was going on in the world through Twitter, but I could tell this was drastically wearing me down. Life would go on without us on social media, so as soon as you feel overwhelmed put down the phone for a few hours, read a book, go for a walk, call a friend, cuddle with a pet, do something else. Lastly, what truly helped me and in a way saved my life was this blog, funny enough. I had all of this time but nothing to do, so I decided I was going to pick some kind of a hobby and try and kick as much ass as possible. At first I was deeply discouraged and honestly struggled to find the work ethic, what if this was never going to amount to anything? But then I thought something to myself, whatever is important to me and will give me some sense of purpose throughout my day, is the most important thing to do. Whatever hobby, job, or interest that truly sparks your fire and makes you excited to wake up in the morning should be the most important thing in your life. After deciding to do this blog, I began to wake up and feel excited and driven about my life again. I had such a surge of inspiration about the projects I had to get done and would feel an overwhelming sense of accomplishment with crossing things off my list. If you are stuck in the thick of life, I want to challenge you to take a second to look at what you're passionate about and what that means to you. Are you doing these things? Are you taking steps to accomplish a more happy and fulfilled future? If not, why?
It has been officially six months since the beginning of COVID-19, and three months since seniors have graduated college. I will be the first person to tell you that life is not nearly perfect, but I can definitely tell you that it will get better. Life will continue to go on, and for anyone who needs to hear this, you will get past this and I am certain you will be okay. Even though things didn’t exactly go as planned, that is okay because that just means it’s time for a new plan, and this to me was one of my most important lessons. When life changes and shifts its time to tear the old plans down, throw them in the garbage, and start creating new and more amazing ones. I don’t know what my future holds but that’s okay because everyday I know I am trying my best, and I hope you are too.
For all those graduating seniors out there this blog is for you. For all those twenty-something year olds going through the hardships of this year this blog is for you. May you find happiness, peace, and joy in whatever fills your soul. Trust yourself, hug a friend, do something for the greater good, and find your passion! I will be the first person in your corner believing in you, wishing for your success, providing you any relief that I can, and simply being that person out there for you. Together we will find the light at the end of this tunnel, we will figure out what’s next to come, and we will overcome these hardships as better stronger people. I am sure of it.
Cheers to our Twenty-Somethings
Rayna
Comment below with any adivce you’ve used to help you get through COVID